Ode to Benzodiazepines...

As you may be able to guess from my title this was probably the roughest two weeks I have had in about 5 years in my time here at TTU. It was not any one thing in particular, but a series of events that basically let to a mini-mental breakdown last week. Things are much better now, although still busy so I thought I would clue everyone in on what has been going on, lest you think I had been eaten by one of my subjects.

Two weeks ago I was at home working hard on my dissertation, trying to get those last references typed in where I could send it to Dr Young for review, then hopefully on to the rest of my committee where I can officially propose. This is something that really needed to be done before my little mice came in, but it was becoming obvious this was not going to happen. My mice came in that Wednesday, and I found out through a rather rough altercation at work that instead of working on my proposal I needed to be there most of the day working with my undergraduates. Now, I thought I was doing what I was suppose to: finishing the proposal.

My students could not do any work until the mice came in anyway, but alas, some people did not see it that way. We all know I suck at confrontation, so instead of trying to defend myself when the matter came up I just nodded, etc. Like with many situations where someone is upset things are said that are not really meant, but still get said. One of these things questioned the integrity of my research. As most of you know this is not something that anyone in my field would take lightly - in fact it is something that, if founded, can end your career. Sometimes even when it is not founded it can end your career. This was really hard for me to swallow as you can imagine. I know that my research is good, done well, and that I have worked very hard on it - but at times there are those people who can make you question even the simplest of facts. Most of that day I spent crying and shaking, basically on the edge of a panic attack...but after a talk with my advisor around 4 pm I felt better.

Unfortunately my body did not entirely catch on, and I was very nervous still, and shaky. That took a long time to get over. Apparently these types of "altercations" are common in Academia - which is why I am glad that I am on my way to a small teaching school. I am not sure my nerves could handle anything like that on a regular basis. In fact, as I was having trouble shaking I stopped by my doctors office late that afternoon and talked to them, they gave me a Rx to help with the problem, thus the title. I actually think that this was helpful even had this interaction not taken place as I have a lot going on with school and work right now. Alas, I have been tranquilized and I believe it is a good thing.

So that is what was going on about two weeks ago. I decided just to give in and come in to my office and work even though it was not getting me far on my proposal. A day or two later my 48 mice came in, all in tact, healthy, and very, very cute. This led to a TON of work. The next Monday (so about a week ago) we had to start weighing and handling them where they did not think that we are as scary as we look. With 48 mice this takes a long time to weigh and play with them. If you do not handle them on a daily basis they do not like you much, and they are hard to catch, etc. I was working with Shirali, one of my undergraduates downstairs. She would weigh the mouse, then hand me the cage and I would pick them up and let them sit in my hand. They would shake for a minute, but when they realized you were not too bad would wander around a bit from hand to hand. It was fun.

After a while I decided to take off my gloves because it was easier to catch the mice when I could FEEL them. Plus, none of them had peed on me yet, so it seemed like a good idea. I went through about 16 mice this way, no problem. Until mouse #5. Well, he was a bit skittish at first, but then seemed ok with me. Until his tail ran across my wedding ring, which has some sharp edges on it. So it was a bit startled. About the this time I was saying something clever to Shirali about "awww look how sweet they are". You can guess, it hauled off and vampire bit me. Not only did it bite my hand, it did not let go. It took me a minute to get the mouse to take its fangs out of my hand and go back into its cage, all while I was pretending this did not hurt. The blood may have been a dead giveaway it was an act. Alas, I make the perfect object lesson for why you wear gloves - see if you wear them, when they bite it does not break the skin, and they cannot get hold of you so well. I am basically healed now, and since then #5 and I have had a nice talk, and made up. I apologized, he apologized, and we are good.

In addition to weighing the mice this week and getting home after 7 pm each day, I have also been only able to talk to Justin after midnight. They went to a noon to midnight working schedule - El Paso time, so that means he gets off at 1 am my time. Not fun. The first couple of nights I decided to go to sleep and let him wake me up. That did not go well as I was incoherent. After that I decided to stay up to talk to him. We closed on the construction loan for the house this week (another fun thing) and I had to talk to him about some of that. I also had to tell him about vampire mouse and how it was his fault for not getting a smaller ring.

This next week is technically Spring Break - but as a doctoral student I do not really get Spring Break. We are starting to train the mice to find rewards in bowls, as well as play the game Simon in a chamber with holes for them to poke their nose. Due to some confusion, all but one of my undergraduates left for Spring Break, leaving Sonia and I to run the place. At least it is not just me, I may have had to go back to the doctor. It will be busy, but I think we can handle it. I have very talented undergraduates which I appreciate a lot. At first I was not sure it was a good idea to have undergrads that were smarter than me, but really it just makes me look smarter than I am. A quick mention of one such undergrad: Congrats to Shirali for getting into the HHMI program! That is a very competitive research assistantship program that will help her prepare for medical school. So now she will not be free labor, she will be paid labor!

I came home Friday exhausted, and a bit tired of work and school as you can guess. I also had about 20 lab coats to wash that were really gross. Not too long after I got home I got some great news from two great friends. The first came in the form of a blog post, which you can find HERE . Yup, Ryan and Amy are going to have TWINS! People that know Ryan and Amy are aware that they are going to be the best parents ever, and this has been a long time coming for them. I wish them the best and cannot wait to see the little kidos! I know they are going to be perfect.

The second news came when I decided to give my friend Todd a call and see how his wife was doing, as she is also pregnant, and due in about 3 weeks. Well, he said she was great - as was their new little girl who was born the night before. While she is a little early, she is perfectly healthy - so welcome to Kayla Egginton...age 0. Their last kido, Chase, who is two even earlier and got to spend a little time in the NICU. It seems this one was a little closer to on time, but still a little eager. Perhaps the next kid will be a bit more laid back and show up a little late even. :) I am still waiting for pictures from Todd, but will post them when I do have them.

Those two bits of news made the week a lot better, even if I did not hear about it all until late Friday evening. So after two weeks of basic chaos, I am hoping that things have calmed down a bit. My dissertation proposal is finished, and my advisor has it. She will look over it and tell me if anything needs to be changed before it goes to my committee. Two weeks after that I can give my official proposal presentation. Yes, I will have already started my experiments by then - but we are just not going to tell anyone that....got it? Also, they started building our house! I should have pictures of that soon. Now, I should probably get ready for bed where I can talk to Justin and get up in the morning to meet with Chris Allen (a friend from high school who is in town) and have brunch before I take him back to the airport. I have not seen him in 10 years, so it should be fun. After that I plan on a nice, relaxing Sunday, with NO WORK.