Through the Eyes of Abigail

This is kind of a long blog, so I added some pictures to keep you all interested....

I will admit, this is not going to be my usual type of blog post...even those of us who dislike change do something different every now and then. Last night I started reading a book recommended by Alana, called The Peacegiver by James L. Ferrell. I made the mistake of starting to read it about 1:00 AM, thinking I would read a bit, read my scriptures, and then fall into a nice, deep sleep. The book was far more interesting than that, and while only 125 pages in I have had some profound insights (especially at 4:00 AM). These are not just about my own life, but really about The Atonement in general. We all go to church every week, and listen long and hard to the talks about he enormity and amazing gift that we have been given, but despite years of talks I have never claimed to understand fully the scope of The Atonement. The general focus is how we can be forgiven for our own sins, right? Even those who are not of a Christian background or upbringing understand this basic concept. More recently I have come to understand that The Atonement is not only for those who commit wrong, but those who have been wronged. Despite those hours I spent in church, and all the time at BYU this was something I had fundamentally missed.

The gift that Christ gives is not just forgiveness, but to take the weight of those wrongs that have been committed by others away from us. To answer my own question on forgiveness a while back the Atonement not only forgives the person who has wronged you, but takes away the pain, hurt, and grief that is left on your side. I think this is they key to being able to forgive anyone else. Through agency we are wronged constantly by those who choose to do things that infringe on our own lives - but the Atonement can fix this as well. Taking away the feelings of bitterness, thoughts of "unfairness", and pain we feel. This is why it is said that "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10). As a younger person I remember thinking this was a bit rough...someone wrongs us when we do not deserve it, and we are required to forgive them. I think all of us will agree that at times it is more tempting to hold a grudge, make them sweat it out, or even grind salt into that open wound to make sure they understand just how bad they hurt us. Then we will feel more justified in giving OUR forgiveness. Not only do I do this, I would have to say I have done it in the last week. What I realized last night while reading was that if I truly believe in an Atonement that takes away MY pain, and the injustices that were done against ME, I have no reason to not forgive. In fact, I believe this is why we are required to forgive all men...we have no reason not to. If our pain is taken away, what is left? I know if I can be forgiven, then they can be forgiven...so why do I have the right to make someone else EARN MY FORGIVENESS? Perhaps if I were perfect....? Even He who is perfect does not ask us to earn His forgiveness, it is in fact offered quite freely. Using the words of my friend Todd, I would have to say this makes me quite the JerkHead.

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Moving on.
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Now these are all things that those of you who are LDS have heard touched on in General Conference recently. I just feel I have gained a better understanding of that principle, at least as it applies to me. The part of the book that really struck me as being different was the view of the of David and Abigail. This is basically buried in the Old Testament, and I barely remembered it when then the author started recapping the events. The interesting part about this story is not how much I have totally ignored it in all my years, but the fact that the insights are far beyond the text. For those of you who may be a bit light on this one, here it is:

The First Book of Samuel

Otherwise Called,

The First Book of the Kings 25

David and Abigail

1
And Samuel died; and all the Israelites were gathered together, and lamented him, and buried him in his house at Ramah.¶ And David arose, and went down to the wilderness of Paran.
2
And there was a man in Ma'on, whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great, and he had three thousand sheep, and a thousand goats: and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel.
3
Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Ab'igail; and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb.
4
And David heard in the wilderness that Nabal did shear his sheep.
5
And David sent out ten young men, and David said unto the young men, Get you up to Carmel, and go to Nabal, and greet him in my name:
6
and thus shall ye say to him that liveth in prosperity, Peace be both to thee, and peace be to thine house, and peace be unto all that thou hast.
7
And now I have heard that thou hast shearers: now thy shepherds which were with us, we hurt them not, neither was there aught missing unto them, all the while they were in Carmel.
8
Ask thy young men, and they will show thee. Wherefore let the young men find favor in thine eyes; for we come in a good day: give, I pray thee, whatsoever cometh to thine hand unto thy servants, and to thy son David.
9
¶ And when David's young men came, they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the name of David, and ceased.
10
And Nabal answered David's servants, and said, Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? there be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master.
11
Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?
12
So David's young men turned their way, and went again, and came and told him all those sayings.
13
And David said unto his men, Gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword; and David also girded on his sword: and there went up after David about four hundred men; and two hundred abode by the stuff.
14
¶ But one of the young men told Ab'igail, Nabal's wife, saying, Behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to salute our master; and he railed on them.
15
But the men were very good unto us, and we were not hurt, neither missed we any thing, as long as we were conversant with them, when we were in the fields.
16
They were a wall unto us both by night and day, all the while we were with them keeping the sheep.
17
Now therefore know and consider what thou wilt do; for evil is determined against our master, and against all his household: for he is such a son of Be'li-al, that a man cannot speak to him.
18
¶ Then Ab'igail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and a hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses.
19
And she said unto her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband Nabal.
20
And it was so, as she rode on the ass, that she came down by the covert of the hill, and, behold, David and his men came down against her; and she met them.
21
Now David had said, Surely in vain have I kept all that this fellow hath in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that pertained unto him: and he hath requited me evil for good.
22
So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.
23
¶ And when Ab'igail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground,
24
and fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.
25
Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Be'li-al, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal 4 is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.
26
Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, seeing the LORD hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood, and from avenging thyself with thine own hand, now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal.
27
And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given unto the young men that follow my lord.
28
I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the LORD will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the LORD, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days.
29
Yet a man is risen to pursue thee, and to seek thy soul: but the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the LORD thy God; and the souls of thine enemies, them shall he sling out, as out of the middle of a sling.
30
And it shall come to pass, when the LORD shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel;
31
that this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offense of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the LORD shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.
32
¶ And David said to Ab'igail, Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me:
33
and blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.
34
For in very deed, as the LORD God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.
35
So David received of her hand that which she had brought him, and said unto her, Go up in peace to thine house; see, I have hearkened to thy voice, and have accepted thy person.

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What does that really long passage come down to?

David = WRONGED.

Nabal = PERSON WHO WRONGED DAVID.

Abigail = PERSON WHO KEEPS DAVID KILLING EVERYONE.

Not a bad job if you ask me. She did nothing wrong, but was going to suffer the repercussions of one who did. Therefore, in many ways Abigail was sinned against as well. What did she do? Many of us would have probably left with the kids and told the genius husband to have fun with the Army while secretly hoping they were extra brutal. Here is where it is interesting. Abigail filled the role that the Atonement does. 1) She fixed the wrong that was done, or in a way took away the hurt that had been done to the David's men. Now David has no reason except the fact that he "was wronged" to move forward. To keep him from doing that, she does a second thing. 2) She asks for HIS forgiveness of HER and her genius husband. To save you some time Abigail did nothing wrong. So why ask David's forgiveness??? (I did nothing to deserve this!) By doing this she kept David, a righteous man from committing his own sin, one of spite and anger. The wrong was righted (as is done through the Atonement), therefore we should let it go. Abigail asked for forgiveness for Nabal, and herself. Had David proceeded with his plans (to kill the household) the sin would have been on HIS head. But, just like Christ, the one who committed no sin took it upon "herself"...which made David realize HIS wrong in the situation and turns around.

The way the author puts it:

"The Lord, by taking the sins of our 'Nabals' upon HIS head, extends us the same mercy. 'Let me deal with it IF there is any dealing to be done. But you, my dear son or dear daughter, let it go. Let me take it, as I already have done. Forgive.' Although the Lord doesn't actually ask us to forgive Him, the effect of the Atonement is such that it is as if that is what he is asking. 'Inasmuch as ye have done it [or not done it] unto one of the least of these', the Savior taught, 'ye have done it [or done it not] unto me'. We are in effect saying that the Atonement alone is insufficient to pay for THIS sin. We are holding out for more. We are finding fault in the Lord's offering. We are in essence demanding that the Lord repent of an insufficient Atonement. So when we fail to forgive another, it is as if we are failing to forgive the Lord - who needs no forgiveness."

Now, I do not want to talk about this last concluding part too much. Not because I do not have a lot of thoughts about it, but I am more interested in other people's thoughts. I know what mine are...and if I tell you them it might just influence the way you think about the story. I should say that I do not claim to totally get this yet. In fact, I am a bit overwhelmed by the implication that in keeping my anger and spite, or by not forgiving someone I am essentially wasting and in many ways undermining this:

And I have come to my own conclusion about that: There cannot be joy great enough in making another suffer, being the martyr, or holding onto any pain to assert that

"YOUR Atonement is not good enough for ME."